Harnessing the Power to Say “No”

updated November 26, 2019

Listen up extra hard if you feel tapped out.

This year I have been feeling tappppppped OUT. Last month I daydreamed about getting away to a cabin in the woods…and not coming back. Can you relate?

It is in our DNA as women to be caregivers…to take care of everyone else’s needs at the expense of our own.

How often do you do something when you really don’t want to?

How often do you say “yes” when you know it’s not in your best interest?

There is an exquisite joy that comes from being crystal clear on your needs and taking action to ensure them.

J.O.Y.

It is liberating. It creates an incredible sense of relief. It frees up tons of misdirected energy so that you can enjoy that energy for yourself.

And, it can be very challenging to know when and how to do this.

Saying YES to you often means saying NO to someone else.

And that is tough stuff for some of us!

Check out this week’s video below.

This Week’s Exclusive Content

My Process for Getting Clear on My “Yeses” So That I Can Say “No”

I’m a tried and true, proven-effective people pleaser. Well, I used to be, that is.

I’m the baby of the family and for some reason always wanted to please people. In some ways, it’s a really lovely trait that many of us have. I truly just want people to be happy, and if I can help facilitate that in some way, that feels like a good thing.

BUT…

As I grew older, I started to realize that I was feeling depleted more often. I started to realize that I had some needs that I had been neglecting. Sometimes, I needed to make myself feel good more than I needed to help someone else feel good.

These days I use this process to determine what is going to make me feel the best (so that I can also show up better for others”.

  1. During any decision process if I feel funky energy that does flow easily to a choice, I know there is some conflict going on inside.
  2. I literally stop myself wherever I am and have a chat. I ask myself: “What’s going on? What do you WANT? And what’s the problem that causing the funky indecisive energy?”
  3. This usually opens things right up and I very quickly see that I have conflicting feelings.
  4. I explore all sides of the decision and look at my feelings behind each option. I literally talk to myself and look at all sides of a situation.
  5. Then, I simply close my eyes and see what my body is telling me. Does option 1 make me FEEL GOOD? Or does it bring a sense of funky in my stomach? What does option 2 FEEL like? Do I feel an excited, expansive joy if I were to say yes? Or, do I feel the same expansiveness if I were to say no?

Once I “feel into” each option, I usually know right away what decision I should make. And sometimes that means I need to say “No” to something or someone.

And then, the hard part is actually saying “No” to the person or situation.

If you can harness all of the good feelings that come with making the right decision, you can harness the power to say “No” quite easily.

Want to hear even more on this topic? Join me live every Wednesday on Facebook and Instagram and I’ll be talking more in depth and answering your questions. Check out “LIVE with Holly” by clicking HERE.

Stay strong, friend!

4 replies
  1. Liz
    Liz says:

    I love your thought process in asking yourself about the cost of saying yes vs. the benefit of saying no. Many times in life we are overwhelmingly encouraged to say yes to everything but thank you for reminding us that saying no can be just as, if not more, powerful!

    Reply
    • Holly Perkins
      Holly Perkins says:

      Liz, YES! Love this comment. SO helpful to REALLY ask yourself if the action is truly worth it, and what you want. You’re amazing.

      Reply
  2. Mirian Lifsic
    Mirian Lifsic says:

    I used to surrender myself with “friends “ that depleted me. So after years of keeping them around me for fear to be alone, friendless, I decided not to see them anymore. At first I missed being with people, have someone to go have a coffee, a chat or travel together. But after some time I started to enjoy my time alone. I found time to read, to know new people, make new friends, and do the things that really bring me joy. And now I could really say that I love my life.

    Reply
    • Holly Perkins
      Holly Perkins says:

      Omg, I LOVE this Mirian. So powerful to hear you say that you love your life now. That’s HUGE. I agree, there comes a time when it’s important to weed out the people that support you. Thank you so much for this incredible comment.

      Reply

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